Rocky's Revenge

From the AP.

An unusually aggressive squirrel attacked three people in a German town before its last victim finished it off with a crutch, police said Wednesday. The rodent jumped through a living-room window in Passau, on the Austrian border, on Tuesday and bit its first victim. With the squirrel hanging on by its teeth, the woman ran out into the street, where she managed to shake the animal off. The squirrel then bit a builder before fleeing into a nearby garden, where it bit a 72-year-old man who eventually killed it with his crutch, police said.

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Rocket J. Squirrel hasn't been the same since Bullwinkle's death.

See previous blog entry 'Alaska Moose brings Down Helicopter' from March 2007


--Will

Jumping Sturgeon Injures Woman

From the AP:

ROCK BLUFF, FL (AP) -- A woman was injured over the weekend by a leaping sturgeon, the latest incident involving the flying fish on the Suwannee River, officials said.

Tara Spears, 32, of Bell, was knocked unconscious by the animal on Sunday while boating on the river north of Rock Bluff, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission reported.

She was taken to a hospital with non-life-threatening injuries and was expected to recover, the agency reported.

The large, prehistoric-looking sturgeon have hard plates along their backs. They can grow up to 8 feet long and up to 200 pounds.

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Someone with the name 'spears' is attacked by a fish. You can't make this stuff up.

--Will

The Wrong Kind of Boost

From the AP:

NEW YORK - A man has sued the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not subside and caused him to be hospitalized.

The lawsuit filed by Christopher Woods of New York said he bought the nutrition beverage made by the pharmaceutical company Novartis AG (NVS) at a drugstore on June 5, 2004, and drank it.

Woods' court papers say he woke up the next morning "with an erection that would not subside" and sought treatment that day for the condition, called severe priapism.

They say Woods, 29, underwent surgery for implantation of a Winter shunt, which moves blood from one area to another.

...

Novartis' Boost Plus Web site describes the drink as "a great tasting, high calorie, nutritionally complete oral supplement for people who require extra energy and protein in a limited volume," in vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.

He needed surgery?!? I thought the cure for priapism was marriage.

The same thing happened to me after I drank a Boost Plus. The problem was compounded by my taking iron supplements at the time. Every time I sat in my chair it swiveled to point north.

--Will

Hugh Grant, Environmentalist

From FoxNews.com

Hugh Grant Arrested After Alleged 'Baked Beans' Attack on Photographer

LONDON — Hugh Grant has been arrested for allegedly throwing a container of baked beans at a photographer, London police said.

The Metropolitan Police don't identify suspects who haven't been charged, but said a 46-year-old man was arrested Wednesday night on suspicion of assault and released on bail. No charges have been filed, police said.

Grant's lawyers weren't immediately available for comment.

Photographer Ian Whittaker told the Daily Star tabloid that Grant had kicked him and shouted abuse before hurling the beans at him Tuesday morning.

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Actor Hugh Grant soldifies his credentials by using baked beans in an attack BEFORE he's eaten them, not after.

Carbon Neutral

Searching around my cluttered mind, I've remembered a bit of basic geology, and had a thought about this environmental concept of living a 'carbon neutral' life.

Diamonds are made of carbon.

Does this mean guys should stop giving women diamonds?

Be Verwee Quiet, I'm Hunting Wabbit

From Spiegel Online:

An elderly Austrian woman required hospital treatment after being attacked by what was described as a 'crazed hare.' Police were forced to shoot the rampaging beast before it could hurt anybody else.

In a scene eerily reminiscent of the attack of the "most foul, cruel, and bad tempered" rabbit in the cult movie "Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail," the Linz hare assaulted a 74-year-old woman who was hanging laundry in her garden early Monday morning. The animal, described as a "crazed hare" in a statement by Linz police department, bit the woman's foot, causing her to fall.

The unidentified woman, still under attack by the rampant hare, was eventually able to escape into her home, where her husband called the police before going outside to attempt to shoo the bunny away.

When police arrived on the scene, they found the 78-year-old man fighting the hare off with a stick -- and losing. Police asked the man to go inside. When the hare refused to give up the fight, the police were forced to shoot and kill the animal.

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The Easter Bunny waking up from his post-holiday drinking binge?

Someone Needs to Shoot ...

The guy who came up with the 'Heat Index' measurement. Shoot him.

I live in Central Texas. When its a 101 degrees I don't need someone telling me: It feels like 110 degrees.

Shot him.

And save a bullet for the first person who ever said: But its a dry heat.