Someone Needs to Shoot ...

The guy who came up with the 'Heat Index' measurement. Shoot him.

I live in Central Texas. When its a 101 degrees I don't need someone telling me: It feels like 110 degrees.

Shot him.

And save a bullet for the first person who ever said: But its a dry heat.

Our Long National Nightmare is Over

From the AP:

DNA analysis has proven that former Anna Nicole Smith boyfriend Larry Birkhead is the father of her infant daughter, an expert in genetic evidence said Tuesday following a closed court hearing in a legal battle for custody of the girl. Dr. Michael Baird, who analyzed the results of a March 21 DNA test, announced the results outside the court. ''Essentially, he's the biological father,'' Baird told reporters.

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With that determined we are all free to get along with our lives.

I told you it wasn't me.

Why Online Matchmaking Sites Are A Scam

Through exhaustive research I have come to believe that all those online 'matchmaking' services are a scam. It is one giant computer, and all they do is match a couple of words or phrases from the profiles you write with other member's profiles.

Exhibit 'A'.

When I wrote I wanted to get back into dating by starting small until I found myself, they hooked me up with a midget who sells GPS tracking systems.

Yoga for Dogs?!?

From the AP:

Humane Society Holds Dog Yoga Class

BELLEVUE, Wash. (AP) - By the end of their doggie yoga class, most of the wandering and sniffing participants are passed out on their mats, in a position their instructor calls the "upward facing belly pose."

Beans, a majestic 2-year-old Vizsla, however, is ready to play. The overgrown puppy has tried to relax with his owner, Chantale Anderson, but once Magnet the black lab heads off to explore the room, Beans is ready to go.

Mostly, however, both the dogs and the humans on a recent evening at the Seattle/King County Humane Society seemed relaxed and focused for about 40 minutes of "doggie yoga."

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Oh, come on. Does an animal that's already limber enough to lick itself into happy, restful oblivion really NEED yoga?

I'm Guessing More Than the Ball was Spiked

From the BBC News:

Brawl halts team sports in Greece

Greek authorities have cancelled all team sports matches for two weeks after a mass brawl between rival women's volleyball fans left one man dead.

"All team sports will be suspended... until 13 April," a government spokesman said after a cabinet meeting called to discuss the violence.

The pitched battle took place between fans of Olympiakos Piraeus and Panathinaikos near Athens.

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After a WOMAN'S volleyball game??? Of all the things I'd feel compelled to engage in after watching a dozen lean, leggy, athletic women scurrying about in shorts, brawling ain't one of them.

We Won't Always Have Paris

From the AP:

Prosecutors: Revoke Hilton's Probation

LOS ANGELES (AP) - City prosecutors said Thursday they will ask a judge to revoke Paris Hilton's probation in a reckless driving case, a move that could lead to a jail term.

The decision followed an investigation into whether the hotel heiress and reality star violated terms of her probation by driving last month with a suspended license.

"We're confident we have sufficient evidence to prove that her license was suspended and that she had knowledge of that suspension," said Nick Velasquez, a spokesman for the city attorney's office. He declined to elaborate on the evidence, citing an ongoing investigation.

Hilton could face up to 90 days in jail if a judge finds she violated her probation, Velasquez said. A hearing was set for April 17, but Hilton is not required to attend.

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I'm tired. Insert your own snarky comment.

Another Booth I Missed During 'Career Day'

From the BBC:

Durex has launched its first UK recruitment drive for thousands of condom testers. The condom maker wants a panel of 5,000 people who are single, married, or in couples to report their experiences of using its condoms and lubricants.

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Another booth I somehow missed at 'Career Day' in high school.