I'm Guessing More Than the Ball was Spiked

From the BBC News:

Brawl halts team sports in Greece

Greek authorities have cancelled all team sports matches for two weeks after a mass brawl between rival women's volleyball fans left one man dead.

"All team sports will be suspended... until 13 April," a government spokesman said after a cabinet meeting called to discuss the violence.

The pitched battle took place between fans of Olympiakos Piraeus and Panathinaikos near Athens.

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After a WOMAN'S volleyball game??? Of all the things I'd feel compelled to engage in after watching a dozen lean, leggy, athletic women scurrying about in shorts, brawling ain't one of them.

We Won't Always Have Paris

From the AP:

Prosecutors: Revoke Hilton's Probation

LOS ANGELES (AP) - City prosecutors said Thursday they will ask a judge to revoke Paris Hilton's probation in a reckless driving case, a move that could lead to a jail term.

The decision followed an investigation into whether the hotel heiress and reality star violated terms of her probation by driving last month with a suspended license.

"We're confident we have sufficient evidence to prove that her license was suspended and that she had knowledge of that suspension," said Nick Velasquez, a spokesman for the city attorney's office. He declined to elaborate on the evidence, citing an ongoing investigation.

Hilton could face up to 90 days in jail if a judge finds she violated her probation, Velasquez said. A hearing was set for April 17, but Hilton is not required to attend.

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I'm tired. Insert your own snarky comment.

Another Booth I Missed During 'Career Day'

From the BBC:

Durex has launched its first UK recruitment drive for thousands of condom testers. The condom maker wants a panel of 5,000 people who are single, married, or in couples to report their experiences of using its condoms and lubricants.

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Another booth I somehow missed at 'Career Day' in high school.

I Ate The Chip On My Shoulder With French Onion Dip

From the Independent (London, UK),

Napoleon, Stalin and Franco had more in common than being tyrants and dictators. They were all rather on the short side and helped to engender the belief that men of below average height were more aggressive than their taller peers.

But now the so-called Napoleon complex or Short Man Syndrome - which determines that 80 per cent of the population believe that small men are angry - has been put to the test by scientists who have established that, on average, it is tall men who are more likely to become the aggressor in conflicts.

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5-foot-5 and very happy and secure in the knowledge that the vast majority of men taller than me are intellectually vapid and morally bankrupt.

I'm not bitter. Really, I'm not.

They Never Claim To Have A Headache

From the AP:

A 20-year-old man received probation after he was convicted of having sexual contact with a dead deer. The sentence also requires Bryan James Hathaway to be evaluated as a sex offender and treated at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth, Minn.

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I've often wondered why the name 'Bambi' is often adopted by sexually 'expressive' women. Maybe they are tapping into some subconscious stream.

Your Airline Seat Becomes A What ...?

On a recent trip to the West Coast I flew on an airplane for the first time since the Nixon Administration, so I paid particular attention to the 'Safety' instructions, though they have been parodied on film enough that I'm already familiar with them.

I would like to take issue with the phrase ... in case of a water landing. Unless you've got pontoons on the belly or wings of the plane, you are not making a 'water landing'. What you are making is a WET CRASH.

Anyway, in case of a 'water landing', you are reminded not to inflate your life vest while still in the airplane, but wait until you are out into the water. I understand that. If you inflate inside the cabin and the water rushes in, the bouyancy of the vest could pin you in place to the top of the cabin and you won't be able to swim out.

So, in case there isn't the time or opportunity to board a life raft, you wait until you are clear of the plane (assuming you can make it through the water and the panic of yourselves and others) to inflate the vest. But what if you pull the inflation strap or straps and the vest doesn't inflate? There is a backup. You blow into a little tube -- if you can find it -- and inflate the vest yourself.

Ooooookay.

I've just made a 'water landing', I've had to swim out of a sinking airplane (through panic and darkness) , and now, until I am safely onboard a raft (assuming there had been time to deploy them) I now may need to inflate a life vest myself. I am no world class athlete, but in case of an emergency (a really, really serious one that might require it) I have the reflexes and the, ah, Will Power to dash out of Harm's Way. But after a 'water landing', fighting out of a sinking airplane, and being forced to tread water, I'm afraid I might be a bit too winded to inflate my own freaking life vest!

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Stay Tuned for future Travel Notes and Observations

'Survivor' Winner Found Prison Horrendous

From the AP:

Richard Hatch, who won $1 million on "Survivor," says being in prison for failing to pay taxes on his reality TV prize and other income is no day at the beach. Hatch, who became known as the "naked fat guy" for refusing to wear clothes for much of the CBS show, was convicted last year.

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You'd think an openly gay millionaire would have inmates lining up to be his friend.

Alaska Moose Brings Down Helicopter

From the AP:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) - A helicopter is not necessarily a match for an angry moose. Instead of lying down after being shot with a tranquilizer dart, a moose charged a hovering helicopter used by a wildlife biologist, damaging the aircraft's tail rotor and forcing it to the ground.

Neither the pilot nor the biologist was injured, but the moose was maimed by the spinning rotor and had to be euthanized, wildlife officials said.

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"Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a helicopter out of the sky!"

The funeral is Friday . Rocket J. Squirrel will deliver the eulogy. Pallbearers will include Boris Badanov, Natasha Fatale, Dudley Do-Right and Peabody and Sherman.

Hot baths cut chance of fatherhood

From The Independent (UK)

Men seeking to become a father should avoid soaking in hot baths, according to a study on male fertility.

A three-year pilot project involving 11 men found that there was some truth in the old wives' tale about hot baths being bad for a man's prospects of conceiving.

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I'm pretty certain any woman we ask will tell us NOT taking hot baths will also reduce the chance of a man becoming a father.

Body Parts Delivered to Michigan Home

From the AP:

CASCADE TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) - Two packages containing human body parts - including a liver and part of a head - meant for a medical research lab instead were delivered to a home.

The body parts, sent from China, were mistakenly dropped off Thursday at Franck and Ludivine Larmande's home by a DHL express driver who believed the bubble-wrapped items were pieces to a table.

...

Authorities believe 28 more bubble-wrapped human organs and body parts could be dispersed across the country, The Grand Rapids Press reported.

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For anyone who's said they'd give an arm and a leg for a good, fast, reliable delivery company ...

Australian Woman Sentenced for Smuggling Fish

From the AP:

MELBOURNE, Australia - An Australian woman was sentenced Friday to nine months of community service work for smuggling protected fish from Asia in her dress.

Sharon Naismith, 45, was caught in June 2005 ... officers heard "flipping" noises coming from her clothes and conducted a search, Australian Customs said.

In a specially made apron under her dress, they found 15 plastic bags filled with water and fish: one rare Asian arowana that customs said was worth tens of thousands of dollars, and 14 catfish.

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Pardon me Miss, is that an arowana in your dress, or are you just happy to see me?