Your Airline Seat Becomes A What ...?

On a recent trip to the West Coast I flew on an airplane for the first time since the Nixon Administration, so I paid particular attention to the 'Safety' instructions, though they have been parodied on film enough that I'm already familiar with them.

I would like to take issue with the phrase ... in case of a water landing. Unless you've got pontoons on the belly or wings of the plane, you are not making a 'water landing'. What you are making is a WET CRASH.

Anyway, in case of a 'water landing', you are reminded not to inflate your life vest while still in the airplane, but wait until you are out into the water. I understand that. If you inflate inside the cabin and the water rushes in, the bouyancy of the vest could pin you in place to the top of the cabin and you won't be able to swim out.

So, in case there isn't the time or opportunity to board a life raft, you wait until you are clear of the plane (assuming you can make it through the water and the panic of yourselves and others) to inflate the vest. But what if you pull the inflation strap or straps and the vest doesn't inflate? There is a backup. You blow into a little tube -- if you can find it -- and inflate the vest yourself.

Ooooookay.

I've just made a 'water landing', I've had to swim out of a sinking airplane (through panic and darkness) , and now, until I am safely onboard a raft (assuming there had been time to deploy them) I now may need to inflate a life vest myself. I am no world class athlete, but in case of an emergency (a really, really serious one that might require it) I have the reflexes and the, ah, Will Power to dash out of Harm's Way. But after a 'water landing', fighting out of a sinking airplane, and being forced to tread water, I'm afraid I might be a bit too winded to inflate my own freaking life vest!

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